Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
