Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
