Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
