All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
