There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize