Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
