Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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