I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
