Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
