he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
