I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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