Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
