I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
