I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
