my phone needs a breathalizer
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
