He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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