Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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