She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
