i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
