It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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