Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
