What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
