apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize