I want to walk on stilts...naked
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
