i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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