Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
