I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
