how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
