my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
