I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i wish my penis had a tongue
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
