Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
