O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
