Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
