he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
