My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
