did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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