I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
