I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
