I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
