I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
