wat bout pragnant strippers??
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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