I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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