just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
4 words: hood of his car
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
