If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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