How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
