the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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