just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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