Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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