he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
