Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
