OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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