I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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