The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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