Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
