how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
