As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
