i need an iv and a liver transplant
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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