There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
