Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
