dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
