i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
