just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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