i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize