i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
